suicide thoughts

I understand feeling so low.When I have flairups of the vulvodynia-sore prickly and itchy.it makes me so down.I can not wear undrwear for long without symptoms getting really bad.I stay at home most of the time as that is the only way I can control it.I worry that my husband will leave me every day,I have 4 children and I keep going on for them -plus I am scared of dying.Also I can not imagine how they would feel.However I feel like I am just enjuring life.I can not be the wife I want to be. Nobody seems to understand unless they have it.If I cancel a social arrangement I can not tell the real reason.I have told a couple of people that I have nerve damage after childbirth,my symptoms started 11 and a half years after the birth of my first son.nEvery day it overshadows me.nOn another note the bad days where I think about suicide-I tell myself maybe tomorrow will be better-it will not be so bad.nTake care all of you suffering-you are not alone and i wish the best for all of you-try and keep going.
Posted by: rosewater April 28, 2010 10:49 am

Thank you, greenpants and Emseetwo. I'm still alive (unfortunately). I recently found a good doc- thousands of miles away in NYC (I live in Canada, and here, there is hardly any good help). She is probably the nicest person and the world, and believes she can help even though I'm far away. However, I don't think there's much hope for me now. *Every* story of a vulvodynia sufferer from my city (that I know of) ended in FAILURE. Getting a new doc who is local will not work in my situation- there is *no* help for this where I live!!! I did learn a few months ago that one of the things keeping me from healing is recurrent yeast infections. In March, I cultured positive for a rare yeast. That infection is now gone, and has been replaced with Candida Albicans. I'm on an *extended* antifungal regimen now, but in my case, all of them cause "die-off reactions" (i.e. worsening of symptoms before any sign of improvement is seen), and increased pain is very hard to deal with. I have lost a lot of my skin thanks to constant yeast exposure. What really sucks is that I was on my way out of this hell back in March. A combination of hormone cream and Diflucan for the yeast reduced my symptoms by 70% in a matter of weeks. Unfortunately, when I was pulled off Diflucan too early, and had to temporarily stop the hormone gel, the pain got right back to its intolerable level. Now, I'm trying the same treatment combo, and I don't think it's going to do a damn thing this time. It's like my body *refuses* to heal from this crap. Plus, this time around, the Diflucan is causing some die-off (it didn't before), and that just adds to the discouragement. Emsee, the last time I tried talk therapy, the therapist basically told me that I'd have to live with this crap. Needless to say, I stopped seeing her. Also, I've tried Cymbalta, and it led to severe insomnia- ZERO sleep- night after night after night. I couldn't tolerate it for this reason. How did you get well (and how long did it take)?
Posted by: Little One July 5, 2009 2:34 pm

Little One, consider talking therapy, a drug called Cymbalta, and a new doctor. You can get through this by talking and helping others understand your pain. I have vulvadynia, I'm living proof that it can get better.
Posted by: Emseetwo June 5, 2009 8:08 am

I have had these too, at times frequently. Please hang in there. Relief may be closer than you think. If you need to talk, I'm at madpeachblog AT gmail dot com.
Posted by: greenpants June 3, 2009 8:46 pm

I have this all the time, now. If nothing changes soon, I will probably go through with it, b/c a pain-filled life is utterly worthless to me.
Posted by: Little One June 2, 2009 11:52 am